Due to Budget Cuts, DOGE Announces Pi to Now Equal 3.0

Lillith Dunn and Maanya Parikh
eNothin staff

As of April 1, 2025, the Department of Government Efficiency has declared that the number pi is now equal to 3.0, effective immediately.

“The amount of numbers it takes as well as the calculations of these digits is a waste of resources. By rounding pi to 3.0, we save a lot of time, and money,” said Elon Musk, the head of DOGE, in an exclusive interview with eNothin.

This isn’t the only change that is being made to this famous number.

“We are also in the process of changing the name ‘Pi’ to ‘Apple Pi’ to fully embrace the American spirit. It’s a great name change. We’re very happy with it,” said President Donald Trump later in the same interview.

Surprisingly, the Perrysburg math department is pleased with this change as well.

“Paper cuts have made it very hard to do certain calculations, so rounding down pi, or should I say Apple Pi, is a great way of saving space!” said Aryn Hinkle, a math teacher at Perrysburg High School.

As a result of these changes, March will now be nationally recognized as Apple Pi month, where consumers are forced to buy apple pie at least one day of the month. If they fail to comply, it could result in what critics say is an irrational amount of jail time. In certain cases, suspects might also be sent to Canada where they will be held, at least until Canada becomes the 51 state.

According to President Trump, “It’s the only reasonable thing to do. It supports the American economy, and really makes America that much greater.”

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