Kate Fletcher
eNothin staff
In light of budget cuts teachers have decided the teaching commas is no longer a necessary part of the curriculum. As a solution the teachers have forbidden the use of commas altogether claiming that assignments will be completed faster and easier to grade where they would otherwise spend time fixing students’ grammatical errors.
Audrey Stewart English teacher and head of the English Department says “It takes some getting used to but it helps the students that didn’t understand commas in the first place. I don’t have to waste so much unpaid time grading essays.”
Students Jon Hunter Elizabeth Mitchell and George Michael have different opinions on the ban.
“I’ve had to remove the comma key from my keyboard so that I don’t make mistakes” says Hunter showing off his keyboard with several missing keys. “I figured that they would ban colons semicolons periods apostrophes and quotation marks so I got rid of those too.”
“If teachers don’t want to grade commas then they shouldn’t. There’s no reason that commas shouldn’t be used” Mitchell complains. “Even Shakespeare used commas they’re more consistent than the language itself.”
Michael thinks that the English department’s decision is going to push students in the wrong direction especially with the country’s low media literacy rate with 54% of adults reading below a sixth-grade level according to The National Literacy Institute.
“I get so frustrated on social media nobody uses the right your you’re or there their and they’re. I’ve read ‘I’m going too the store’ far to many times” Michael said.
David Hoffman an English teacher that opposed the ban expressed that a few of his students’ creative writing assignments have been concerning without commas. “I had to report a student because of the morbid messages in their story. It’s a complete tone change when I’d love to eat Lindsay or Let’s hang Todd! shows up in a story without a comma.”
School counselors have had frequent visits from students after concerned teachers reported their assignments for inappropriate topics to discuss their messages just like the errors Hoffman mentions.
“These kids they’re innocent they just don’t understand the importance of commas or the way that they’re used in speech anymore. It might have saved time in lesson plans and grading for English teachers but now I have ten twenty kids lining up at my door every day for simple misunderstandings” explains Kelsey Farrow head of the Counseling Department.
Though there may be concern among students teachers counselors and parents the new comma ban is here to stay unless English teachers are paid for grading outside of the school day.
Other stories on eNothin:
- English Department Bans All Commas starting April 1 Despite Communication Becoming Confusing
- Perrysburg High School introduces FUNdraiser in the style of “The Hunger Games” on April 1
- Due to Budget Cuts, DOGE Announces Pi to Now Equal 3.0
- Taft is the New Principal of PHS on April 1
- Maddie and Hiba’s Journeys (Episode 8 — April Fools!)
